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OBear
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Name: The
Birthday: 10/21/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: Beating Up Weiner Kids
Expertise: Beating Up Weiner Kids
Occupation: Artist
Message: message me
Member Since:
8/21/2003
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| Jcs1wife: dang, how bout u just dress up as me...and go to school for
me and do the work....i'd be MUCH better off dancing at home
EnkiduTheOBear: ...
EnkiduTheOBear: ...
EnkiduTheOBear: ...
EnkiduTheOBear: I'll just pretend u didn't say that | | |
| Susan is uber. thx prom queen. | | |
| I fucking lost it this morning. I was listening to the song for my sight singing quiz, going over the intervals and syllables in my head, and then I wasn't. My eyes were following the notes, I was listening to it, I was even doing the syllables, but I wasn't freakin paying attention to it. I got so disgusted I just left. Wasted like 45 mins in front of the tv. Then went and got a C+ on the test. If I had spent that 45 minutes studying, I would've done much better. Fuck this ADD shit. Someone slip me some ritalin under the table. | | |
| Ya know what?
I'm just fucking tired of all of it. And I do mean all of it. Why the fuck do I try? I don't mean, why do I try at school, why do I try at games, why do I try homework, I mean, why do I try in life?
I've never drunk, or smoked cigs. Why? Because my dad gave up smoking and drinking when I was a little kid. And now what? where the fuck has that gotten me? I don't drink, so I missed out on parties in high school cause of that, spent so much time home alone, not making any friends, not doing anything. And then everyone else that drinks seems to be having a grand old time, while I'm sitting on my ass promising myself that I won't drink, for my dad's sake. And then the fucker goes and starts drinking again, after like 15 years. WTF man? Why do I try? When my brother was young, he cried and cried for my dad to stop smoking, so he wouldn't die. SO my dad stopped smoking. Now my brother smokes all the damn time.
Also, I've kept away from any drugs, cause drugs are bad, m-kay. Even stayed away from weed, despite the abundance of it in Oakland. Everyone else says it's the shit, says it's great, but I stay away. Why? Cause I think my parents would dissaprove. WTF? THEY STILL SMOKE WEED!!WTF am I doing, being a little pissany bitch. Why do I try these things that make no sense.
I try my hand at music, but I'm not good enough to do what I want. And what do I want to do? I don't fucking know! But this fucking ADD keeps me from accomplishing the things I want to do in life. I want to practice, I want to study music, I want to do it all, but instead I do none of it! WTF?
Want to try something fun? Try to grow up without social skills. Try growing up being scared of interaction. Try to imagine what it's like to grow up with no close friends. Oh sure, I've got a good crew that will be my friends forever, but so few? I never when to talk to people, what to talk about, how to express myself, how to do any of it! People like Vicki and Allycat ooze friendliness and I can't even if I try with all my might. I have all these friends that are like peripheral friends, people i talk to, but not share anything with, people I don't know, people who don't know me. I'm sick and tired of feeling lonely all the god damn time. Why does no one EVER contact me, huh? I start all conversations, almost always have to ask others to go with me somewhere, and even when I do get invited somewhere, it's always by the same one friend? Jesus, am I that uniteresting? Am I so much of a burden to have around, am I that un-fun? Does no one care about me at fucking all?
If I gave up, would anyone give a fucking care in the world? Would anyone really concern themselves with how I was feeling if I just laid it all down and walked away? If I was gone, how many people would care? How many people would care 5 days later? How many would not just notice my abcense, but fucking really care that I wasn't around any more? Am I that bad a person that no one cares about me?
Jesus people. All I ask for is what everyone else asks for, a little compassion, and a little friendship. | | |
| SO, ya want me to update huh?
SO, ya like when people throw their hearts out online, huh?
K
Storytime...
There was this boy, who wasn't good at any one specific thing, but
could do pretty well at a lot of things. He had talent in so many
fields, but not enough talent or drive in any one field. He liked
science, but not science classes. He liked music, but couldn't
understand enough of it. He liked to act, and was told he was
good, but never followed through with it. He was told he wrote
well, but never had anything to write about. He was shipped off
to college, to get educated, and didn't know what to do. "Music
Major" everyone says, cause that's where his heart and his past
successes were. He also liked Japanese, but time told him that he
wasn't good at it. And the music skills he had abandoned
him. He felt lost.
Music wasn't the only thing that abandoned him. Any skills he had
left him. He was left alone and scared. He would skip class
sometimes, not because he didn't do the homework, not because he was
lazy, but because he didn't understand. He didn't understand the
material. He was (irrationaly) fearful that others would look
down on him for his ignorance. He didn't understand this
fear. He didn't understand why he couldn't understand the
material. And yet he never studied.
Oh, he tried. He would sit down with his materials, know what he
had to do, and immediately lose track of what he had to do. When
studytime came, he had the attention span of a humming bird.
Other times, he would look at the material, consider it too daunting,
and give up, because he knew that no matter how much he tried, he would
only be mediocre at best.
SO, here was this talented boy, who everyone expected to succeed.
He would succeed, he would coast through college, he would coast
through life, being decent at everything he tried, but never beaing
great, and never being satisfied with any of it. And in the end,
everyone would wonder where the talent had gone.
Well let me tell you folks, the talent never left. It was just
never focused. And it still lies somewhere, waiting to be used.
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